When my wife and I first married, I was convinced I knew how to be a great husband. However, it didn’t take long to see that I still had much to learn about caring and loving her.
Over the last 12+ years of marriage, we’ve learned the other spouse’s needs are sometimes very different than our own and that there are seasons in which those needs change. When we fail to realise what our spouse needs most, it can lead to unnecessary frustration, friction, and even resentment towards one another.
As men, we are wired with different needs than our wives, and we need to know more about their needs. Here are 3 questions that can help you KNOW what your wife needs now.
Feeling loved is to feel important, wanted, and cared for, and we all feel loved in different ways; for men, it might be to physically be with your wife, while for your wife, it might be receiving a gift.
Ask your wife what makes her feel loved? What makes her feel important and cared for?
If you need help with this one, I can highly recommend the book The 5 Love Languages, where Gary Chapman explores the 5 ways most people feel loved:
The answer can change depending on the season your family is in, and it might be a good question to ask every 6-12 months.
What she needs is different from what makes her feel loved. These are her “musts” things she needs to do to take care of herself or things she needs to do to make her feel more productive. These things can go into the calendar, which might require you to schedule a time for her.
Things like:
She needs to exercise every day
2-hour alone time once a week
She might have a lot of needs. Be clever; pick the 3 – 4 most important ones, and work around your schedules and family dynamic.
Ways to ask this question:
You can change the “need” to must – What must you do today / this week or month?
Connect with her heart, make sure she is living in peace, and remember how she feels and protects her heart.
Other ways to ask the question.
Just be careful not to go into a fix-it mode with this one, except if it is something you must change about yourself.
Our wives want to see that we take an interest in them, Their dreams, daily battles, and hearts. But we can’t expect them to pour out their heart without our support.
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